© 2011 kelly mccaleb
nicole took this picture the other morning when i was serenading her to wake up...and it makes me cry. because when i look at this i can think of the girl i want to be, should be. it feels peaceful, nice, kind, relaxed, happy.
she is in me somewhere, she's just hiding. i am so anxious! so irritable! the rest of my thirties are dedicated to becoming the girl i see in this picture. at peace. complete trust in the lord. control relinquished. happy birthday to me.
are still busy packing. and being excited. and talking via facetime with nicole.
i fall asleep thinking of how i'm going to make our cookie cutter townhouse into a real home with my stamp on it. all i know is it has to do with this picture, it captures my dream:
wowzers, wish i could afford any/all of them.
for the last year and a half we have been renting, much to our gratitude, grant's sister's beautiful basement apartment. we were lucky enough to have three bedrooms, our own laundry and kitchen, plenty of dug out sunlight, and a lovely fireplace. we were also lucky enough to have the best, most understanding landlords and three awesome pretend siblings for cate.
it was meant to be very temporary. we were displaced quickly from our last home and we just had to find somewhere fast. little did we know that this was exactly the place we were supposed to be for so many reasons, and for longer than anticipated. while here we looked and looked but never felt good about any other place. just over the holidays we decided to stick to the alpine area and find an old cottagey home in the spring to move to.
then, as life usually has done, things just happened. randomly, we bought a couch just because we found the perfect old one online for so cheap (we got rid of our old one long ago) for when we were to eventually move. the next day grant found a place to live- not where we had planned at all- that we just felt so drawn to. we knew we were supposed to be there. even though it is the granitecountertop, darktanwalled newerconstruction evenwithaclubhouse kind of neighborhood, that's well, not "us". but we listen to our hearts. and we knew it was the right time and the right place.
we signed the papers last night, paid to get into it today, and beginning in two weeks will live there indefinitely while we save a down payment and decide where we want to settle. i have a lot of packing to do, which is a new huge to-do on top of a major project i'm working on that i'll talk about in a bit.
when it rains it pours. there is more difficult changes happening, too, for someone i love. you may have noticed little sister coco's presence on my blog and instagram feed a lot more. she has moved here to utah...alone. i've always struggled to not judge when people divorce and boy have i been given a major lesson to that end. never again. you just don't know the circumstances, you don't know others heartaches, and you don't know their answers to prayers or the Lord's plans for them. we have been doing all we can to buoy her up during this super hard time, but it's amazing how only human we all still are. emotions can run high- but you know nicole and me, it's nothing a will ferrell movie and caffeine can't cure.
so life is marching on. as if i haven't been neglecting the blog enough already, it may get worse, i'm afraid. i mean, i need time to cozy my girls when we're having a bad day, talk, cry, pack, unpack, get to the temple for extra needed help, oh and still be a mom...
and time to plan the next phase of our life with my handsome hubby. hey world: i really love him. he works so hard. so hard. he makes our life possible. we don't have a perfect marriage, of course, but our little life is happy. he supports me in every endeavor. and he has the courage and spirit of, like, a warrior. he will hate that sentence. but oh well, i super love him.
so, ch ch changes. i'll be around when i can. life is good. ps- a couple spiritual uplifts i want to recommend. watch what mara posted today, it is so comforting and wonderful. and read this message- it filled me with hope. i mean in a world where katy perry and russel brand can't make it work we need all the help we can get, haha.
remember so long ago, when i was working on that "spring" quilt? well, it's done and has been gifted to my niece, along with a carefully picked pile of thrifted (and cleaned) pillows and afghans. i love it.
getting ready for christmas captured on instagram.
when i need a boost and i'm cozy in bed or in my car, etc. i look to the archives on lds.org. the other day i found this, and have read it a dozen times since. also, today coco texted me a quote which i needed to read so badly and really should read everyday of my life. it's from gordon b. hinckley's speech at his wife's funeral:
"it isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. it all works out. don't worry. i say that to myself every morning. it will all work out. put your trust in god, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. the lord will not forsake us. he will not forsake us. if we will put our trust in him, if we will pray to him, if we will live worthy of his blessings, he will hear our prayers." ...hope your sunday is peaceful and hopeful...
