the circle of life
"the woman who bore me is no longer alive, but i seem to be her daughter in increasingly profound ways." - johnetta b. cole.
like in how i'm constantly applying moisturizer to my face wrapped in a robe. or how i hear things come out of my mouth to my child that was exactly what she said to me, that i swore i wouldn't say. or how i piddle around the house cleaning and thinking and planning and praying. and how my legs have begun to "percilate" and how i justify actions by saying "for once in my life i'm going to be selfish." and, of course, how i'm always telling cate to put on something cozy and pull her hair back.
mom, i miss you. i have moments of forgetfulness often when i am upset and reach for the phone to call you, only to be hit with the realization all over again that i can't. i want to hear your laugh, your voice whispering prayers from your bathroom, your pajama bottoms whishing around the house, dr. laura on your radio, and your yawn-scream in the morning when you wake up. but then i hear my identical laugh, my prayers, my pj bottoms, my talk radio, and my yawn-scream and i realize you are always with me. love, kelly (the 5th child who "ruined your body forever").
Isn't it amazing how we forget sometimes. Everynow again I think to myself, I should call dad and have him make his famous spaghetti or show me how to make something... Then I remember that the next time I see him it will be on the other side of eternity. The memories will always be there, but it isn't really the same.
Posted by: Andrea | May 12, 2007 at 01:20 PM
i miss her too.
Posted by: lauren | May 12, 2007 at 02:22 PM
beautifully written kelly!!
Posted by: maggie Holmes | May 12, 2007 at 02:42 PM
your mom sounds so wonderful! its so nice to hear your love and inate ability to follow in her footsteps. makes me want to be more aware of the example I am setting for my girls. happy mother's day!
Posted by: chanel | May 12, 2007 at 03:04 PM
Your writing is beautiful. It's sad that your mother isn't here for you to talk with but how wonderful that she lives on through you. What a great compliment to her!
Posted by: Ashley Schultz | May 12, 2007 at 05:38 PM
That makes me want to cry. I wish you had been here for brunch today. We missed you. Next year, for sure!
Posted by: Mandee | May 12, 2007 at 06:20 PM
that was beautiful. thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Melissa | May 12, 2007 at 08:06 PM
That brought tears to my eyes.
Forgive the random comment I just wanted to say how beautiful what you have written is.
You just wrote the loveliest compliment.
Posted by: Rach Wyndham | May 12, 2007 at 08:17 PM
that was beautiful...
Posted by: ylva | May 12, 2007 at 08:53 PM
You're a great tribute to her, and amaze me with how strong and good you are as a mother...but perhaps you are a little more cool than most Moms? I'm sure your Mom was a cool California girl too though.
Posted by: Trace | May 12, 2007 at 09:53 PM
what a beautiful tribute . . . :D
Posted by: doris | May 12, 2007 at 10:05 PM
ditto
Posted by: Glor | May 12, 2007 at 10:27 PM
i think as time goes by the pain is not so severe but it never gets better. someone once said to me that grief is like jagged rocks at the bottom of a waterfall, the jagged points get softer with time, but the rocks are always there...hope that made sense...
Posted by: robin | May 13, 2007 at 07:21 AM
Somehow I found your blog months ago. I enjoy your creativity and your outlook on life.
On this Mother's Day, you reminded me to remember that my mother is here with me still, as your mother is with you - in the little things we do & in the special ways we think. Thanks for putting into words the feeling I felt.
Posted by: Michelle | May 13, 2007 at 05:06 PM