ok, so i do in fact know why i haven't been blogging (or answering emails, or the phone- but, let's be honest, i never do that anyway) lately:
for the past two weeks i've been trying to quiet my mind and avoid outside distractions in order to focus on this great opportunity that is a new year and decade. i've been in a mental retreat, of sorts, attempting to come up with a picture of who i want to be and what i want to accomplish in my 30's. cleaning/ cooking/ being with cate are all very meditative activities to me. i've just been going through the days thinking and planning...and waiting for a clear idea to come into my mind.
i realized i have a big problem. somewhere along the way, i've let physical set-backs and emotional anxieties paralyze me and totally stunt my growth and disturb my peace. i've felt so weak lately. weak and worried. and by lately i mean the last three or four years. i imagine that i need to change that if i'm going to have a productive life (ya think?). so, i decided, it's time to get strong. physically, spiritually, emotionally.this morning at yoga i was in the zone and everything became clear: the critical understanding i needed is that what you feed in your life, grows. what you don't, withers. and so, i want to be sure i am feeding the things that are most important to me, rather than the things that harm me (like fear). i decided that would start with a simple list, in order, of the things that are important to me, and need constant nourishment. they are:
- spiritual growth
- being a good wifey + housewifey
- helping cate grow
- personal mind/ body fitness
- healthy family living
- financial peace
- family fun and sociality
- my work and hobbies
so i spent the morning making goals with respect to feeding these areas of my life, with the most emphasis on the top positions. beyond the goals, i want to make a conscious effort to starve, wither and choke the the harmful things in my life. full-on positivity!
and since i'm the least private person in the world, there are all my goals, in all their glory, up top. i'm so excited for this new year. the possibilities are endless...i'm going to picture myself running with rocky up the steps everyday, getting stronger.