while looking for a different old post, i came across this picture of my husband (center) at scout camp with two of his best friends in the early 90s. every time i see that pic i laugh out loud. and i just wanted to say to j biebs, t swift, and every wedding photog out there- my husband is always way ahead of his time.
i have been thinking a lot about marriage lately. i love my husband so much. that is not to say that we don't have so much to learn about effective communication, or that i don't wish he could clean up his foul mouth (i'll tell you a funny story about cate reading through his texts another time, haha), or that i don't drive him up the wall with female dramatics a lot. but i just really really love him. love is so powerful.
but just like faith without works is dead, love without work dies too. the butterflies that hormonally program the human race to mate and form families soon cease to flutter after the union becomes comfortable, then inevitably challenged. this does not mean that the joining of the pair was wrong or should be over, but is simply the maturation of life; the trying of our convictions; the refining fire that is so necessary to becoming the best versions of ourselves individually and as a couple. in other words, the love needs to grow. stronger. deeper. more experienced.
the world tells us in these difficult periods of growth- when the drought hits or when pruning is needed- it means the "love" is lost and you need to head for the hills and grab a new net for new butterflies.
but i am convinced if you are willing to learn to be unselfish and think of another's comfort before your own, the love can reach up into something heavenly. based on purity and commitment, sacrifice, a thousand forgivenesses, and a mutual desire for good in the home and the world. charity. pure love. it takes serious work and some serious growing pains. and a constant shift in focus from the things of this world, to a hope for the things of a better. i have made this my goal.
i really love you, grant. thank you for leading our little family. (and yes, i can still feel the butterflies).
oh kelly, this is so beautiful! as i am about to embark on marriage (3 months and counting!), this is something i've been thinking and praying about--really hard. thank you for this.
Posted by: Maggie | March 23, 2011 at 08:43 PM
Grant gives me butterflies still also. sigh.
Posted by: Darren | March 23, 2011 at 09:20 PM
so true. beautiful post. needed this today - thank you.
Posted by: angela hardison | March 23, 2011 at 10:10 PM
Amen. Great post Kelly.
Posted by: Ashley S. | March 23, 2011 at 10:20 PM
this post was rad, thanks kel. you guys are my hero. you have always been an example to me. if you did it, i know i can. so here's to the next few years of marriage and working hard. like kelly and grant. :) love you guys. and yes, i believe that if you work hard at a love and marriage, those butterflies still come when your spouse walks through the door...
Posted by: Nancy Robins | March 23, 2011 at 10:41 PM
I love this. Thank you for articulating this so simply and so beautifully!!
Posted by: mikaela | March 23, 2011 at 11:15 PM
what a touching post. you are so wise. thanks. ♥
Posted by: angieinpink | March 23, 2011 at 11:40 PM
Loved this post. AMen to all of it. I feel like one perk of military life is that you have to experience life without your husband for long periods of time, thus making you realize how MUCH you need him. It makes me realize all the little things he does, that are left to me in absense (for example: our garage is piled with garbage because I keep forgetting to take it out). Basically, I know what life is like without a husband...and it sucks. :)
Posted by: Sara H. | March 24, 2011 at 12:53 AM
I've tried to comment three times and my comment keeps deleting :(
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. You are a wordsmith. My in-laws are going through a nasty divorce after 38 years of marriage. It has been devastating to watch my father in law throw away an eternal marriage for a life of selfishness. I wish he could read and understand this post. Thank you for sharing!
Posted by: Marilyn | March 24, 2011 at 12:58 AM
You are so right... every word. Thank you for the beautiful reminder.
Posted by: amanda | March 24, 2011 at 05:06 AM
what an encouragement! thank you!!!
Posted by: Mary Beth | March 24, 2011 at 08:52 AM
this is amazingly powerful. such powerful words you said. and so important for both spouses to realize and understand.....
Posted by: Sidney | March 24, 2011 at 09:59 AM
A beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Hannah | March 24, 2011 at 11:06 AM
Amazingly well said - and I needed it so much right now. Thank you.
Posted by: Jessica | March 24, 2011 at 02:52 PM
I love this post.
Posted by: Nat | March 24, 2011 at 07:02 PM
Kelly, this is beautifully written-you have such talent, girl! Thanks for the powerful reminder! I wish more people understood this concept. Miss you!
Posted by: jwilson | March 24, 2011 at 09:43 PM
I love this. Every single word is perfect:)
Posted by: sheena | March 28, 2011 at 03:47 PM
I've read this several times now and plan to keep it bookmarked indefinitely. I just love it so!
Posted by: Jessica Cudzilo | April 01, 2011 at 10:07 PM