my happy little life

a couple of love notes

to the blue-eyed one,

my little darling, you are getting an earlier bed-time. i'm sorry, but that kind of grumpiness is not going to fly. in a lot of ways this was a hard weekend for you/ us, but, i love you no matter what and will help you in all your struggles. always. i hope you enjoy family home evening tonight, i have thought a lot about what concerns you have expressed lately. i look forward to teaching and talking with you. specifically about why some prayers seem to go unanswered and why life is hard. you stretch me as a mother, but i am so grateful that you have such a sharp mind, mature spirit, and determined personality. i wouldn't have it any other way. and believe or not, i was exactly like you when i was little. i get it. love, mom

to the green-eyed one,

the things you said to me yesterday will help me through a thousand hard days. thank you. expressing your confidence in the way i conduct myself and express my thoughts, erased, at least for awhile, the constant embarrassment i feel about my over-sharing and debbie downerness. nicole tells me she needs "kelly-lite" sometimes, and i know you do too, bless your hearts! i am an over-analytical handful. but when you told me what a strength my depth and spirituality is to our family, i felt so safe. i felt so happy. i felt so sure i married the right man! love, wifey

summer toms + a lot of blogging thoughts

i saw a teenager with her toms cut like this and asked to look at them. she said she saw the idea on pinterest but i don't know the source. i highly recommend looking it up and cutting some canvas. especially since cate's toms lasted about a month before there were holes everywhere (are these the shoes we are paying so much for to help kids without shoes? we might want to make them a tad sturdier); i was sick of mine = perfect solution.

grant is on a church camp out, so cate and i are cozied up in bed watching star wars. it's nice. but i admit my mind is wandering to other things... stupid blogging things. i had NO idea (until today) that there are forums and websites dedicated to talking crap about bloggers. my blog certainly doesn't have the volume of readership that would land me on these boards, yet i am disturbed. people: read blogs you like and don't read blogs you don't like. it's kinda simple.

can i tell you why i blog? i don't give a crap if you think i am cool or my life is perfect or my husband is doting. i am not narcissistic (seriously i've been tested and know my diagnosis), and i really don't believe that bloggers necessarily are narcissistic, as is often assumed. my optimistic opinion is that most bloggers are simply amateur writers, philosophers, photographers, or whatever, who choose to use this medium as a hobby and way to get feedback and forge connections.

for me, it's just a creative outlet. i have/ need quite a few of those. sometimes i pay a lot of attention to one and lose interest in the others for awhile and then it switches again. such is my time here: my enthusiasm waxes and wanes, but i ultimately love to have a blog. i do keep a daily personal journal but audience writing is different. it forces me to use my brain a little more and ponder exactly how i want to say things, whether a simple what i'm up to, or deeper thoughts on my life and faith (inseperable). while my private journal is dang near unintelligible and sometimes feels like sylvia plath wrote it, here i feel the motivation to try a little harder to make some sense and edit my insane thoughts as best i'm able. read along if you like.

also in the blog mix is the visual representations of my days, which i love. i love photos! i would just adore being a magazine editor. picking pictures and stories and formats. i get to do that here. it's fun. sure, i bet some girls are just in love with the way they look and can't stop photographing themselves, but if i get that vibe and i'm not inspired by them, i simply don't read their blog. no biggie. some writers i like, some i don't, no biggie. some sites are a little commercial for my taste; if i like the content enough i'll push through it, if not, i don't. no biggie. 

most important to me, i just want this body of work for my posterity. and for me to look at in my old age. yes, when i'm 90 i want to see pictures of me in my youthful motherhood happiness. i have already lost my mother and i treasure every picture of her in her youth, especially ones where i think she looks so young and fresh. they mean a lot to me to see her in her prime as i don't remember that part of her life very well. my grandma is in her 90s and struggles to remember simple aspects and people from her earlier years and it makes me sad. since i am a dedicated record keeper, these feelings naturally guide what i publish here, and i what i want photographed.

all i'm trying to say is, this whole internet life glimpses thing really isn't all that serious. do whatcha want. i want to blog. i want to read a few inspiring blogs. the end. and with that, goodnight. we're still watching star wars and we just felt a tremor in the force- gotta go check it out...

procrastination

i have so much to do. school starts in a week for me, i have a booth to decorate and man for byu's women's conference tomorrow (i don't know how i get rooked into this stuff), and a mile long to do list. but the weather has been so beautiful, cate and i needed some time to de-winter our moods. so we have been enjoying the sun instead. whoops.

i know i keep promising pcos posts, and they really are coming...but i don't want to just throw them together. i know how awful living with the disorder is, and i've been getting emails describing the despair of so many women. i want to be of real help. so i beg of you patience till i can do the subject justice.

in the meantime, i'm celebrating nature's yearly proof that no matter how long or hard our winters are, the springtime always comes.

it's a big deal for me anyway

this is the piano i practiced on at home, in tahoe. it's my favorite piano i've ever played, its got the right tone (say that like christopher walkin). over the years i've casually looked for one i liked as much at a decent price, but i could never find that same sound- good price or no. i wanted this one. my dad said i could have it. but it lived in california.

alas, my dad moved to utah, and alas, now i have a place for it! it's my piano! i have a piano! it was placed in my living room yesterday by piano movers! i can't get over it. i haven't stopped smiling (or playing) all morning.

a bright, beautiful day

i had the best day today. just really great. tomorrow i'll show you the main reason why today was special, it deserves its own post. for now i just feel like counting my blessings.

yoga this morning went beyond the norm. sometimes you just get in that zone and there is an emotional release- today was one of those days. i love my teacher. i love the positivity she exudes. she kept making us smile as we moved through the postures. like literally she said "as you exhale, smile..." i left physically rejuvenated.

spent some time with my dad and his wife. i love that my dad loves art deco pieces and is a vintage coleman dealer on ebay. my blog portrayal of my childhood is not always what he would call "correct" or "not bratty". also, he doesn't believe in mental illness. he's a rascal. we had a good talk. but we agree on vintage and music and politics. so there.

got the thumbs up from my design idol and hipster niece on how i'm putting together the new place. she's also my chill about life idol and it was nice to chat with her. i have so many amazing nieces and nephews. really special kids.

the sun came out and cate came home from school with a happy tude. then grant got home earlier than usual and took cate to kick around the soccer ball. you guys, he is such a good dad. he loves that girl so much. i'm so grateful that her expectation of how boys should treat her will be so healthy.

even though i am so busy right now, preparing for school and getting funding has been as busy as school will be, i felt unusually relaxed today and i just think it was a blessing. it had to be because it is so out character for me. i was asked to design and put together a booth for women's conference at byu next week, and last night grant and i were asked to speak in church on sunday, and i just feel like it's all good, it will all come together. no worries.

so basically, today my life lacked the depression and anxiety i normally function within and i am truly grateful. ps- i cannot for the life of me find the source of the print above, and i want to purchase it. anyone know its origin? thanks my friends. hope you had a good day too. if not, it's okay, i've been there too. you can bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun.

the next post is really long

so here's the gist: my hair genius sister coco has relocated permanently to utah county. she hasn't chosen a salon yet because she's been traveling so much, but she is doing hair in her (adorably vintage decorated) home this thursday, friday, and saturday for some trip spending money, and because she actually misses doing hair. next month she will announce where she will have a booth. the thing is, you'll want to get in this weekend if you can/ need your hair done. wherever she's lived she immediately gets a full clientele and has to turn appointments away, and getting in now will give you priority. to book for this weekend, email: nicolereneer[at]hotmail[dot]com. you won't regret it. plus she can teach you how to do beachy waves on yourself. or give you a brazilian blowout. it's life changing. ok, read on: