a thank you to my brother who has neither the time nor the inclination to read my blog

[my brother's law firm and his beautiful conference room]

my oldest brother is an attorney (a really good one- if you are in need and live in utah county, his office is on freedom blvd and is so beautiful). after passing the bar years ago, he took the risk of opening his own firm because he chose the stress being both a lawyer and a small business owner over the stress of having a boss. he likes to schedule his own life.

when trying to figure out what to do with all this free time i have now, i really understood his choice, however stressful. i needed to do something i felt was important, that used my talents, without giving up my freedom to schedule my own life or the ability to be a mother first.

decision process: 1. i knew i had to get out of the freaking house, where i am alone more often than not. being a wellness counselor at good earth wasn't cutting it- a constantly changing schedule with almost no notice and consisitently too many hours= no. 2. despite my passion for my certified teaching subjects: health and psychology, i won't sign any high school contract because of the lack of flexibility. i think i'd need mental health days more often than they would prefer i called for subs. 3. i don't feel like my handmade work is it for me, especially because it doesn't solve the problem of getting out of the freaking house. 4. there came strong feelings in my heart to return to school for further education in the mental health field. (and that settled it).

we are similar, my brother and i: it's freedom over security for us. i would rather take the stress of running a therapy practice on my terms than have someone else dictate my freedom, or rather, lack of. we have a love of learning and constant reading but dislike of formal learning institutions. we like a comfy space to work in- his office is equipped with an upstairs apartment where he relaxes to movies and classic rock records while writing depositions, rather than a life sucking crap space someone else designed. we both fight through anxiety and panic, but don't give into it out of sheer will to live the life we want regardless of our weaknesses. because i know he fights many of the same demons i do, and knows how to relax and work the way i also need to, i trust his advice.

he has been the most supportive of me going back to school. i was so scared. it's been a long time, and i am NOT good at doing what, or being where, i'm told to. i texted him, "i'm scared, i think i might actually have to study now." he texted back "ya, law school was a wake up call for me too. no worries." which i took to mean, i know you're smart enough and you'll get it done, just step it up a little. something i needed to hear so bad.

he also mentioned that in a few years after passing my own licensure exams i might as well get the doctorate. confidence in me! how i needed to hear that! i am maria getting off the bus to ring the door bell of the von trapp family. my brother was the reverend mother saying this isn't the life you planned, god has shut a door for awhile, but somewhere he's opened a window. climb every mountain! his support, (and grant's), has meant so much.

i just finished my first morning of msw classes. want to know how it went? like riding a bike. a big, pain in the arse bike. but, i just picked up cate from school after my classes were done and my little girl has no idea that anything is different in our world. so, all is well. i know it will be hard, and i know i will do just fine. thanks, brett.

Comments

[kristinecmetcalf@gmail.com]

happy first day of school! i am so happy for you! you are following your dreams and working hard and doing what is right for you and your fam. that is happiness. and lots of family and friends got your back! good luck, study hard.

[Julie Reneer]

That was a great post Kelly. I'm really proud of him too!!! and you!!!!!!!!!!
You know you have a cheerleader in me.
and PS. I want the shoes you have on please!!

[Melly]

Hi Kelly, I am not sure where I came across your blog but I have been visiting here awhile now and I just wanted to let you know that I think you are super awesome and inpriational. The way you express yourself with such honesty is a gift and I find myself drawn to reading your words which often help me to find clarity in things in my own life. Example, today I read this post and it was so comforting to me(I am about to start my own small business eek) and I could relate oh so much to your words about freedom winning over security, that is the way I need to live also and anyway it was just what I needed to hear! So thanks and good luck with your new adventures at school :)

[ahmoothaa]

All the best. And I run my own business and dictate my own time, and though own business has its own stress but the satisfaction you get managing and dictating your own time is amazing!

[Marie]

Go Maria! You will do great Kelly. Cheerleading from Seattle!!!

[kelly mccaleb]

melly and ahmoothaa- you are awesome thanks for sharing!

kristine, julie, and marie, thanks for the cheerleading!

[JB]

I just thought your competence was obvious, judging by your blog reader comments, it is obvious to them too. And thank you, my little guardian angel, for being on your errand at all the right times, love you!

[deirdre]

So brave of you! Best wishes on your endeavor...~Deirdre

[heather]

brett's comment is so sweet. ahhhhhh.

[Ann-Marie]

WOW! This is so good to read! I am currently living the freelance/ working-from-home lifestyle and I couldn't be happier about this newfound sense of freedom. Sure, there are financial risks involved, but to be able to dictate my own life? Priceless. Glad to hear that you and your brother feel the same exact way. There's more to life than living for Friday at 5 o'clock! xoxo