the six kids in my family are ordered boy-girl-girl and then another set of boy-girl-girl. this is the second set. kenny, or neenee as we called him, then me on the left, then baby coco. side note: nicole, your obsession with high heels began in babyhood; every picture i have you're either wearing or holding some.
anyway, today i am looking at this picture and longing to re-live this moment in 1984. adulthood is so busy and stressful. just for a bit i'd like to be plopped on a couch making faces with nowhere to go and nothing to do. childhood is so short and precious. then reality sets in and it's never the same. i suppose grant's intense work schedule and my intense school schedule is making me wax nostalgic and wish for simpler days...
the good news is, i can give them to cate. i don't ask a lot of her, i just expect her to follow my lead and enjoy her life and littleness. i like to bring her breakfast each morning. i like to scratch her back at night while she's falling asleep. i really believe in letting the stress of life be put on hold for as long as possible. grant and i were just talking about how much we don't believe in getting frustrated or angry over accidents, spills, and other age appropriate mishaps. oh boy, who cares?!
i am confident that when the time comes to be an adult, she will work hard, keep a clean house, be anxiously engaged in good things, and will always be learning, because that's all she's ever seen. i have faith she'll follow our example and remember our teachings because our home was a safe and happy place for her to grow up.
marjorie hinckley is my idol mom. the book glimpses is a favorite. in it is an anecdote i'll never forget that pops into my head and guides my mothering decisions often. she writes: "one day our oldest boy turned up missing. there were lawns to be mowed, irrigation ditches to be cleaned. the hours ticked away. all afternoon i practiced a speech i would give him when he showed up." well, he showed up to say he'd just been doin' nothing, relaxing at the hollow all day. and marjorie, for some reason, chose not to bust him.
years later he came home during finals week in his senior year in college. he was really stressed, trying to do well enough to get into graduate school, and also things weren't going well with his girlfriend. he took a break to come talk to his mom. he said to her nostalgically: "i had a wonderful childhood...those long summer days, when you could lie on your back in the hollow and listen to the birds sing and watch the ants build their castles."
marjorie reflected as an older mother how glad she was she didn't scold him that day. she was grateful that, "the memory of the peace of a summer day sustained him when the pressures of adult life began to crowd in...there are so few empty summer days. it has never been so important that children have a home that is a place of refuge, a place of peace. i tried hard never to say 'no' to my children if i could possibly say 'yes' and i think it worked well because it gave my children the feeling that i trusted them and they were responsible to do the best they could."
i want to be just like that.
eta: sorry for those who want that book, i linked to the wrong thing above, but i like those quotes so i didn't change it! here
That book sounds amazing. I'll have to order it! I have a quote of Marjorie's that I keep on my desktop and read whenever I feel the need. You've probably already memorized it (in fact, I might have gotten it from one of your old posts?), but if not, here it is! :)
"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenck's lawn. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."
Posted by: Lindsay | May 15, 2012 at 01:47 PM
yep that's one of my faves too lindsay!
Posted by: kelly mccaleb | May 15, 2012 at 02:36 PM
I totally just started crying at the end. Jeff and I believe this is how to raise our children as well. Make that innocence last as long as possible - to carry over into the stress of adult life.
Beautiful.
Posted by: Tara | May 15, 2012 at 03:34 PM
Must read this book! We really try to do this- telling our kids yes a lot. Must pick battles. And they learn to make mistakes and recover from them.
Posted by: bethall@gmail.com | May 15, 2012 at 06:16 PM
oh I needed that today. I am so guilty of tipping the balance towards Teaching Responsibility. like, all the time. I had a moment not long ago when I realized... how imperfect am I, yet Heavenly Father forgives me constantly and is so perfectly patient with me... why do I expect perfect behavior out of my little ones when I myself am so imperfect? it's an ongoing struggle. so thank you for this beautiful reminder - I will savor this with the littles tomorrow.
Posted by: amanda | May 15, 2012 at 08:30 PM
Really, what a lovely sentiment. Let children be children for as long as they can since 1) they grow up so fast anyway, especially nowadays and 2) adulthood lasts soooo much longer than childhood.
Incidentally I was just catching up on m'blogs and your post reminded me so much of the one I just read before this one by Kristin Armstrong: http://milemarkers.runnersworld.com/2012/05/the-clearing/
Hope you can catch a minute to read it!
Posted by: Vanessa :P | May 16, 2012 at 10:54 AM
I just started reading that book and I haven't been able to put it down. I read that story yesterday and had to reread it to my husband- I loved it so much. As I started reading your post the story immediately came to mind, how funny that you quoted it. I must need the lesson right now as it keeps coming to me. Thank you for your thoughts.
Posted by: Desiree | May 16, 2012 at 11:19 AM
What's the name of the book Kell? I would like to read it!
Posted by: meow missy | May 16, 2012 at 11:37 AM
ditto.
Posted by: Jess Cudzilo | May 16, 2012 at 12:22 PM
oh wow i loved reading this. just what i needed as i was thinking of getting all scheduled on my kids for summer. thank you!!!
Posted by: merideth altom | May 16, 2012 at 11:33 PM
tara- we are always on the same page, huh?
vanessa- great post, thanks for the link!
desiree- so amazing!! heavenly father is talking right to you, how beautiful!
missy- meow meow meeeeewww. j/k. i put a link to the book up there.
Posted by: kelly mccaleb | May 17, 2012 at 12:41 AM
we the sanders have a hard time with this, but it is such a wonderful reminder so thank you. lance is so worried that our kids are going to turn out to be lazy slugs like the teenagers we know. i freak out when the kids spill because i have plenty of messes to clean up even without the accidents. oh our kids are going to be working neurotics! thanks again for the reminder to slow down and just love your kids. love you kelly!
Posted by: leslie | May 17, 2012 at 10:09 AM
lester- no child with lance's genes could ever be lazy!! i know what you mean about lazy teenagers- i don't like that either. teaching to work is necessary, i guess more what i have my own scars from is the stressful feeling that always went along with work in my house. it was usually accompanied with yelling and exasperation. i guess i hope i won't have to motivate that way. easy for a mom of one to say, right?
Posted by: kelly mccaleb | May 17, 2012 at 10:25 AM
awesome reminder
Posted by: glor | May 18, 2012 at 08:12 AM