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what first comes to mind is the talk by president uchtdorf where he talks that life isn't a race to finish, it's a journey. in that same talk he talks about those whose last hours are upon them, and overwhelmingly the regret that is shared is that they didn't let themselves be happier.
this talk has changed my perspective on the "now" and it has helped me especially when anxiety likes to play tricks on me.
wish you the best, and hope that your grass is green under your feet even in the trials.

very creative. wink.

I love you, Kelly.

Lovely post. Something I needed to hear today!

I needed to read this, especially that last sentence.

I, too, am an introvert and love staying home with my 19 month old. But lately I crave extrovert time: Teaching, going to back to school to get my Masters, working with adults, etc. I know there will be a time and place for that, and spiritually speaking, it's not right now. But it was comforting reading this post.

Now I'm off to be creative! (And fold that dang laundry).

I love your posts. Curious, but what is your Meyer Brigg's personality? I am both a dreamer and a doer, but very practical. I find that when I have too much free time I am completely unproductive and don't do anything. I need a little bit of structure to be able to be creative.

This is exactly how I feel most days. I think the tension within the dichotomy is good, even healthy. I stayed at home with both my girls when they were 0-18 mos. I loved sewing, spending time with them, watching them explore the world & learn, snuggling, breastfeeding, baking, cooking, and loving. I went back to work full time and so terribly miss homemaking. I know that part of my purpose here on earth and God's calling for me is to be a mother and wife; I realize the other calling is for me to be an advocate through being a social worker. I have learned that one cannot exist without the other. I love and cherish each moment with my family and I spend together and I love each moment I see a single mother succeed in regaining custody of her children, testifying against an abuser, allowing restoration and God's peace in her life, and most of all finding her voice. I'm glad you're going through this. Its a tough and exciting time. Best wishes!

Love this. I think it's about passion. When you are passionate, you feel very strongly about everything. It doesn't matter how mundane the idea might be, passion makes us feel strongly about it. I see this intensely in my daughter. When she is happy, she is really happy. When she's mad, she's really mad. When she loves something, she's ALL in. As she grows and matures, I know her sphere of influence will only increase, giving her so many more things to be passionate about, which no doubt, will conflict in her life at times. But what a way to live life! Too feel it to the fullest. At times it can cause the greatest despair. Other times it can bring the greatest exhilaration and joy.

I feel like a light bulb went off in my head. I have often wondered if I can truly be happy where I am. I always think that if I just do "this", then I will be happy. But I can make a choice and enjoy today for what it is. I can enjoy my children at 8 and 6 and not think when they are 9 and 7. I can enjoy my job where it is right now and not think about where I'm supposed to be in 6 months, etc. I can enjoy the process of learning new skills and not worry about being perfect at them. Thank you, Kelly for writing so beautifully and summing up how I feel but yet can't find the words.

This talk of being two people in one - that's me, too. Daily struggles of crying and pulling myself together and trying to find the green grass on both sides of my life has become tiring. I'm glad I'm not alone. I finished graduate school 6 months ago and am still waiting for that rough patch to end, but I have to have faith that it will I guess. Best wishes to you.

And this is my plight as well. To feel two sides pulling so strong and not knowing which to give in to. Your thoughts on feeling "unbalanced" couldn't be more true for me at this stage of life. Thanks for writing out what I've been feeling in such a poetic way- and making me feel like I'm not alone.

Kelly, you have very eloquently put into words all the things that have been floating around in my head lately. Thanks for this, and here's hoping we can all find some more balance very soon!

Like for so many other commenters, you also put into words what has been a pervading thought for me for awhile. I've been a full time attorney for a year. I worked really, really hard to get here, and sometimes I love it. But a lot of times, I just want to stay home and create. Yet, I know if I did that, that left-brained part of me would feel unfulfilled. So that worry of- Will I ever find that happy balance? - has been constantly on my mind.

It's still there. But thank you so much for reminding me of the ever-true fact that I'm not alone.

I have those 2 different sides also. Right now I've been in creative side for 10 months and I'm going crazy. I need purpose!


it's winter. blog again!

Haha!!!!! Just the motivation I needed
Sent from my iPhone

I hope you come back and write again... just once in a while?? I have always really really enjoyed your writings.

Kelly where are you?? We miss you!!

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