i have a wonderful therapist. she has helped me reduce the frequency and severity of my panic attacks. all crazy phobias that were paralyzing me are gone. completely. most important to me, i sleep like a baby. i was struggling so horribly with insomnia and anxious nightly obsessing that when the sun would start to go down my heart would start pounding in anticipation of the horrible hours to come. no longer. now i look forward to cozying grant and drifting off peacefully to sleep every night.
another huge change has to do with putting myself out there. meaning, physically out of my house as well as being available for relationships. i was so consumed for awhile with the fear that i backed off from every friend, rarely left my house, didn't answer emails that weren't absolutely necessary, didn't make eye contact with anyone at church, and forget the phone- no answering, ever.
i find myself craving to get back into the land of the living. to me, it is a huge sign of wellness. it had become painful to come home from a social function and over analyze what i had done wrong. now, i am making plans with people. i am dropping in on old friends. i am commenting on blogs. i am introducing myself at church. i trust myself, and care less about my idiosyncrasies.
i have always been very interested and touched by comments made here on my blog- with no ability to make a connection to the person. a change i am making is now trying to be more present in the comment section and thank you and try to get to know you and answer questions. chat with me! i really think i have the ability to let people in again.
yesterday i blogged about one of the things we are working on now- compulsive behaviors to calm anxiety (cleaning, not allowing clutter). ms. therapist says we'll have it licked in a (large) handful of sessions. i believe her. she hasn't lied to me yet.
