my happy little life

but i look like i'm talking about happy things

this evening grant was relaxing on the bed when he got home from work, and i was at the foot of said bed telling him about my day. (you are so lucky you are not him and therefore don't have to hear my daily diatribes about seriously debbie downer topics). today's freakout: 1/4 of U.S. high security prisoners are severely mentally ill living in inhumane conditions for sick people that makes them sicker. but when they get out they kill people because they think they are aliens sent to attack their family and are homeless and don't take their meds and go back to prison. mental asylums were closed long ago. it didn't save us money- it's just going into the ill-equipped prison system now. make my blood stop boiling, please.

grant, smart man that he is, has learned to half listen and half play on his phone. win-win (i really don't need feedback, just an audience). today while i ranted he took pictures of me and said i looked pretty. then i forgot what i was ranting about and cozied him. he knows just how to handle me.

it reminded me of dating. i used to test boys right off by being super intense about subjects to see if it scared them away or if they enjoyed the debate. (in truth, it was less of a test and more just who i am). people told me i'd never get married that way, it wasn't feminine or fun. but i am both feminine and fun- i just need someone who can handle my mouth, too. (i love the movie ever after so much). those people were right, though, that a lot of boys didn't like it. screw 'em, i said.

then, one day i met grant. he was immediately subjected to my ridiculously verbose views about something or other. he relaxed on my couch with his hands behind his head and said with a cool smile, "calm down". i was smitten. he wasn't intimidated and he didn't care. of course he could shut my mouth and school me when he wanted to, but mostly he just liked to make me laugh. and i fell hard in love.

a couple of love notes

to the blue-eyed one,

my little darling, you are getting an earlier bed-time. i'm sorry, but that kind of grumpiness is not going to fly. in a lot of ways this was a hard weekend for you/ us, but, i love you no matter what and will help you in all your struggles. always. i hope you enjoy family home evening tonight, i have thought a lot about what concerns you have expressed lately. i look forward to teaching and talking with you. specifically about why some prayers seem to go unanswered and why life is hard. you stretch me as a mother, but i am so grateful that you have such a sharp mind, mature spirit, and determined personality. i wouldn't have it any other way. and believe or not, i was exactly like you when i was little. i get it. love, mom

to the green-eyed one,

the things you said to me yesterday will help me through a thousand hard days. thank you. expressing your confidence in the way i conduct myself and express my thoughts, erased, at least for awhile, the constant embarrassment i feel about my over-sharing and debbie downerness. nicole tells me she needs "kelly-lite" sometimes, and i know you do too, bless your hearts! i am an over-analytical handful. but when you told me what a strength my depth and spirituality is to our family, i felt so safe. i felt so happy. i felt so sure i married the right man! love, wifey

mcdonald's is a place where dreams come true

(us looking like a seasoned married couple on the sabbath)

for our valentine's day date we went shopping at the gateway, an outdoor mall. being blasted on the outdoor speakers was the most hideous ron burgundy jazz flute style music, and i just had to interpretive dance. (i involuntarily dance and sing in public, it's a syndrome i think. grant dies). he tried to reign me in, but he was in a silly mood, too. we were laughing at everything.

an hour or so later we ended up at a mcdonald's to get me a drink. the drive thru was backed up so in we went. grant was appalled to be there (he hasn't eaten fast food in three years) and equally appalled that i had a mcdonald's "credit card" a friend had given me for my birthday with a small, unknown balance left on it. i was crossing my fingers for a positive transaction. but i am shy of nothing in public. not pajamas, not dancing, and certainly not paying for things with pennies, or using up every last bit of balance on a mcdonald's card. when my $1.08 total rang up without a problem, in genuine excitement i did the best kristen wiig target "approved!" in the history of impressions. grant died of embarrassment and turned away laughing. and then we got, you know, a little flirty. really good impressions have that power, i'm telling you.

the old couple behind us started chuckling and said, "so when's the wedding?" i looked at them confused, and they said, "you two can't be married yet. or are you newlyweds?" then i think i did a high kick, (i am soooo good at high kicks), jazz hand flashed my ring stack, and said, "almost ten years, my friends!" but in answer to their surprised faces, i followed with, "i know what you mean, though, we're just in good moods today."

which was true. but i loved hearing that at least once in awhile all the planets align and we can pass for a giggly and naive betrothed pair who haven't started getting on each others nerves yet. high kick!

g is for grant, my precious

when i posted this picture on instagram, tara asked for the story behind each ring- and i try not to disappoint tara. so here it is, though it isn't terribly romantic, i'm afraid. don't worry, i think it ends good.

i don't like surprises: i picked the rock out. i wanted simple simple simple. i wanted it smaller but grant convinced me to at least make it worth buying. i didn't even let him do something special to propose. it was sized, he picked it up, and then i wore it. the begging me to marry him had been going on for a while (wink), who needed a big cheesy scene now? i did love wearing it though. and loved my hand even more when the solid band was given to me in the temple. things were always so passionate between grant and i during our dating and engagement, i didn't know that someday those cheesy moments would mean a lot to me if i'd have allowed them. i thought the crazy passion would last forever.

the anniversary band of diamonds is even less romantic. in the early days of our marriage i did a lot of house cleaning and nannying and one of my employers worked for a jeweler. she found out i had sewing skills and asked if i could do some custom bedding. cash or ring? she asked. i said cash, but she said, just try it on. i was smitten. ok, ring it is. i got my own anniversary band! i hadn't even been married a year! i really shouldn't have done that. how wonderful to earn, through years of satisfying my man, a surprise reminder that i was still worth the eternal circles on my finger in all their symbolism? i should've taken the cash. and waited.

i've learned at last the importance of romance. i saw the g ring at urban outfitters and had to have it. the other three rings meant i was married, committed eternally. the g means: and i like it! he is amazing and i want the world to see that letter and think she belongs to him not just someone. that gesture of romance felt a little like making it right- and it only cost me eight bucks! i'm going to wear it tomorrow, with my other beautiful rings, as we eat at our favorite breakfast spot for an early valentine's day celebration. (yep, and every day after that).

weekend favorites

a saturday family movie matinee, cate's laughter, a delicious red robin burger, the most amazing thrifting day of my life, really being comforted by the spirit at church, the smell of our pumpkin spice candle in a clean house when we got home, and a beautiful sunday evening walk with a chill in the air.

life is so hard, but focusing on those small happy moments remind me that it really is oh so good.

my husband's romantic side.

grant is not really, um, vocal about his un-dying passion for me. mostly i know he loves me because he teases me so much and also works so hard for us. and because i was raised in a family where love was only shown through teasing, it works.

howevs, just now i was looking at his pinterest account (yes, he pins cause he's awesome) and there was a category called "wife". and here's a few things i found therein:

under this picture he wrote "easily could be us" because that's how we dress and how my hair always is. that melted my heart. i don't know why, maybe because a picture that looked like he was cuddling me made him happy.

true. we are the haters gonna hate soul mates.

this one really touched me. we've been trying for a baby for like seven years, and despite the lack of need for any baby clothes whatsoever, he still recognized that i would love and want to have every one of these pieces. so he saved it to show me. so sweet.

i could not in a million years imagine my husband saying sweetly in my ear, "i love you everyday". but he pinned it and under wrote "to the wife". and to me, that's so much less lame. and so much more real. i mean, he didn't even think about if i'd ever see it.

and grant, i love you every day, too.

(sources: 1,2,3,4)