inspired, full of dreams, happy, ready to take a dip, like living in a secret garden, desirous of a closet full of throw on pretty dresses, ready for a sunset, a longing for california, natural and comfortable.
(i think it's pretty cool).
copyright
© 2012 kelly mccaleb
mcdonald's is a place where dreams come true
(us looking like a seasoned married couple on the sabbath)
for our valentine's day date we went shopping at the gateway, an outdoor mall. being blasted on the outdoor speakers was the most hideous ron burgundy jazz flute style music, and i just had to interpretive dance. (i involuntarily dance and sing in public, it's a syndrome i think. grant dies). he tried to reign me in, but he was in a silly mood, too. we were laughing at everything.
an hour or so later we ended up at a mcdonald's to get me a drink. the drive thru was backed up so in we went. grant was appalled to be there (he hasn't eaten fast food in three years) and equally appalled that i had a mcdonald's "credit card" a friend had given me for my birthday with a small, unknown balance left on it. i was crossing my fingers for a positive transaction. but i am shy of nothing in public. not pajamas, not dancing, and certainly not paying for things with pennies, or using up every last bit of balance on a mcdonald's card. when my $1.08 total rang up without a problem, in genuine excitement i did the best kristen wiig target "approved!" in the history of impressions. grant died of embarrassment and turned away laughing. and then we got, you know, a little flirty. really good impressions have that power, i'm telling you.
the old couple behind us started chuckling and said, "so when's the wedding?" i looked at them confused, and they said, "you two can't be married yet. or are you newlyweds?" then i think i did a high kick, (i am soooo good at high kicks), jazz hand flashed my ring stack, and said, "almost ten years, my friends!" but in answer to their surprised faces, i followed with, "i know what you mean, though, we're just in good moods today."
which was true. but i loved hearing that at least once in awhile all the planets align and we can pass for a giggly and naive betrothed pair who haven't started getting on each others nerves yet. high kick!
overcome your weird phobias with cate and kelly!
we live in a state that is home to a massive hunting culture. i don't care for it, neither does grant necessarily, but we aren't vegetarians and people here are pretty good about hunting for use and protecting "wild utah" as they call it. so we're like, whatev.
cate, however, starts crying every time she sees a deer by the side of the road because she is worried someone will shoot it and it's "sooooo beeeauuutiful!" in conjunction with her love of living wild creatures, she despises animal trophies. hmm, despise isn't the right word. it's more like terrified. phobic. full of hate.
she won't play at friend's houses who have mounted heads. she won't eat at restaurants that use taxidermy as art. she won't go to sporting good's stores or museums that display it. and yes, it is the first thing she asks when we announce plans. and yes, she makes us call to verify. and yes, we've tried forcing her: she screams bloody murder, death grips our necks with fingernails digging in, and starts having a child size anxiety attack.
so, i understand her passion, (and drama, for that matter, i have my own issues), but we can't have her growing up afraid of inanimate objects, either. also, you'd be surprised how many restaurants think taxidermy goes well with their whole design- bet you haven't even noticed, but look around. it's everywhere. ok, so we started the basic psychology slow immersion thing. we made her watch mounted in alaska until it didn't bug her.
step two: this tiny bronze deer head for our keys was purchased. portrayals in bronze ecetera, are almost as terrifying to her as the real thing:
we bought it and put it up while she wasn't home. she fa-lipped out when she saw it. but we said it's staying, so name it and give it a little pet. she went to her room, slammed the door, and slid menacing notes under. basically, they said to bring her meals to her, she's never coming out again.
of course that got old. so she stormed out with this post it on her forehead: "coming out just for a while." let's just skip the drama of the next 48 hours and look at the happy ending...
cate is bff with our little antonio bandeeras. she can't wait to pet him after school. so, there you have it. real live proof that exposure therapy for phobias really does work. what should be the next level? not sure if she's ready for the bean museum yet. maybe hold a real antler till she stops screaming?
also, i've been working on my mouse phobia. it is crazy bad. i'm only on step one where cate and i watch cinderella and say in my mind over and over: gus gus is cute and harmless. not sure what step two will be. but it will involve an inescapable cage and the cutest mouse in the world, outfitted in a blue shirt before being shown to me. that's the only way.
g is for grant, my precious
when i posted this picture on instagram, tara asked for the story behind each ring- and i try not to disappoint tara. so here it is, though it isn't terribly romantic, i'm afraid. don't worry, i think it ends good.
i don't like surprises: i picked the rock out. i wanted simple simple simple. i wanted it smaller but grant convinced me to at least make it worth buying. i didn't even let him do something special to propose. it was sized, he picked it up, and then i wore it. the begging me to marry him had been going on for a while (wink), who needed a big cheesy scene now? i did love wearing it though. and loved my hand even more when the solid band was given to me in the temple. things were always so passionate between grant and i during our dating and engagement, i didn't know that someday those cheesy moments would mean a lot to me if i'd have allowed them. i thought the crazy passion would last forever.
the anniversary band of diamonds is even less romantic. in the early days of our marriage i did a lot of house cleaning and nannying and one of my employers worked for a jeweler. she found out i had sewing skills and asked if i could do some custom bedding. cash or ring? she asked. i said cash, but she said, just try it on. i was smitten. ok, ring it is. i got my own anniversary band! i hadn't even been married a year! i really shouldn't have done that. how wonderful to earn, through years of satisfying my man, a surprise reminder that i was still worth the eternal circles on my finger in all their symbolism? i should've taken the cash. and waited.
i've learned at last the importance of romance. i saw the g ring at urban outfitters and had to have it. the other three rings meant i was married, committed eternally. the g means: and i like it! he is amazing and i want the world to see that letter and think she belongs to him not just someone. that gesture of romance felt a little like making it right- and it only cost me eight bucks! i'm going to wear it tomorrow, with my other beautiful rings, as we eat at our favorite breakfast spot for an early valentine's day celebration. (yep, and every day after that).
a little winter sunshine
cate's been missing living under her cousies so we had to have them come play at our playground. i really liked reading in the sun. i miss the sun.
what else did i do today? not much. a close friend of mine and i were conversing over instagram about how the grass is always greener on the other side. meaning, she saw my picture of bath water running with a book next to it that i indulge in daily and was jealous of my "me time". but i see pictures of her sunny and sandy life in san clemente with more kids than she has arms for and my stomach flips thinking about how much i want that life. cause in truth, all that me time makes me feel guilty and a like a waste of space. that was a harsh way to say it, but i really do fight that feeling.
i read something today that said, in effect, "the grass is greener where you water it". i know i know. so, smudgie, old pal, let's both watch our favorite musical, guys and dolls, (well it's my second favorite musical, but i think it's our combined favorite) tomorrow- and you revel in the curly haired blessings screaming around you while you're trying to hear marlon brando singing, and i'll revel in the peace and quiet around me and think about what a gift it is that i can sit and be still. deal? and then you go look at the sunset on the beach and i'll just be straight up jealous. woops, there i go again.
too blessed to be stressed*
based on my life's experiences, this statement is one of the truest things i have ever read. the last few months have felt oppressive. emotional. physically draining. it was more than just moving, everything got crazy at once.
today i laid on my bed and read a magazine. and i didn't feel guilty. right now i am blogging and listening to wreckless eric and it's making me want to lay down and watch stranger than fiction. and i don't feel guilty about that either. (clearly, i struggle with guilt).
the chaos is dying down. i feel like we are embarking on a really great time of life- everything feels...good. like, yesterday cate telling us about the moon and how every color of the rainbow can be found there, even though we look at it and think it's just, like, grey. to continue the conversation i asked, "is there water on the moon?" she said, "nope just ice" with a roll of her eyes evident in her tone of voice.
then we put her to bed and grant and i watched new girl again- we can't help it. every episode gets watched multiple times. and cozy in my bed i thought, i sure like my life. and now, just cause i'm thinking about it, here's one of my favorite scenes from a movie ever:
*in regards to title: that is what everyone on the street used to say when i was a missionary and we'd inquire as to their well-being. it's funny cause it's true.
